Will the real Master of Disaster please stand up?

Susan's myriad travels have resulted in so many cuts and bruises and mishaps that friends have dubbed her "the Master of Disaster."

But do we have a challenger on the scene? Does Josh have the klutz potential to take away Susan's "Master of Disaster" title? In this entry, we'll tally our respective mishaps and perhaps crown a new victor.

Round 1: One week in...
-Susan stepped on a massive wasp and pretty much lost feeling in her left big toe.
-Susan developed a hacking cough and subsequently lost her voice.
-Susan peeled most of the skin off of her hand when she tried doing the backstroke in shallow water with a coral reef under the surface.
-Susan stepped squarely on a bed of red ants - yes, of COURSE it was the same foot where she got her wasp sting.

-Josh is fine.

Round 1 tally:
Susan: 4
Josh: 0

No contest.

Round 2: Two weeks in...

We left Mae Sot today for Bangkok to catch our flight to Joburg.

Alas, Josh has succumbed to a case of "Thai tummy."

(Note: Susan rarely has stomach problems, which is a good thing, considering how much she loves to eat).

Round 2 tally:

Susan: 4

Josh: 1

Round 3: It's a jungle out there
A week ago, Susan suffered a few bruises from the baby tiger that tried to bite off her wrist, while Josh got a few scratches from said tiger (see "Lions and Tigers and Turtles, oh my!" entry).

But yesterday, Josh got punched in the gut by a silverback gorilla. (See "We got lucky" entry). Now he's catching up.

Round 3 tally:

Susan: 5

Josh: 3

Round 4: No Pain, No Gain
While hiking around a local village in Lake Bunyoni in Uganda (in flip-flops, admittedly stupid) Susan slipped and cut up her left foot - yes, the same one with the wasp sting and the red ants.

While swimming in the White Nile, Josh let the current sweep him into some jagged rocks, resulting in deep scratches on his shins.

Round 4 tally:
Susan: 6
Josh: 4

(someone's catching up!!!)

Round 5 (Uganda and Kenya)
-Susan slipped while hiking to Lake Albert and fell on her palm, breaking skin and requiring nothing more than a band-aid
-During same lovely hike, Josh twisted his knee (after taking a 'short call' and trying to catch up with our hiking group).
-Josh developed three serious impressive blisters while digging at Kyangwali (Susan's blisters were minor in comparison)
-Susan should get three or four points for this: In Nairobi, she contracted a majorly bad case of giardia, after which she spent the entire day convinced that she would never eat/walk/live again. Thank goodness we had a bucket AND a toilet at our disposal. Enough said.

Round 5 tally:
Susan: 8
Josh: 6

Susan is still in the lead

Round 6 - JOSH CATCHES UP, BIG TIME.
The scene - Kenya, 11pm. We have tickets to take a 6am bus to Tanzania. Most people pack and go to sleep. Us? We visit the Nairobi Hospital emergency room. Leaving out the gory details, it turns out Josh discovered a "jigger" in his foot. What is a jigger?

Jigger n. A small flea that burrows into the foot, starts to eat its victim alive from the inside, spins a nest in the body and lays eggs, resulting in more of the delightful little creatures. Jigger removal requires surgery, albeit minor, for removal.

(Note: Nairobi Hospital is not half bad. The best part is when we showed up at the reception desk and told them that our 'emergency' was a jigger. They had to bite their lips to stop from laughing. For local Kenyans, a jigger's a pretty small deal.)



Round 6 tally:
Susan: 8
Josh: 8 (bonus point awarded for requiring emergency room treatment at 2 am)

Round 7: Tanzania
The Jiggers Strike Back. As if one jigger was not enough, while on safari in the Serengeti, Josh discovered two more jiggers, in the same foot. With no real hospital within hundreds of kilometers, Josh agreed to subject himself to the "bush medicine" of his local guide who claimed to have previously removed a jigger. Once. Years ago.

Armed with Susan's guidance and teachings on modern germ theory (i.e., urging our guide to wash his hands before starting!), our guide successfully cut into Josh's foot and removed "twin" jigger nests. Josh now has three holes in his feet.

Revenge of the Giardia. We thought it was defeated, but Susan's stomach ailment rose from the depths of her bowels to make a comeback. Alas, this time we were in the Serengeti with no bucket and no toilet. And we were sleeping in a tent, with lions and elephants just outside. (See Where the Wild Things Are entry). Susan presents real danger of exploding in the tent.

Susan also marks Tanzania as the start of her mystery tooth ailment, in which her prior cavities seemed to rear their ugly heads. While this pain came and went, Susan insisted on putting it down here, probably just for more points. As of now, the mystery ailment has not affected her eating habits (has anything, ever?)

Round 7 tally:
Susan:10
Josh: 11 (two jiggers and bonus point for surviving field surgery)

Round 8: Zanzibar
Beautiful Zanzibar. White beaches. Classic sailboats. Crystal clear waters. Blazing sun on our backs all day long while snorkeling. AND... a big mistake on our parts for not wearing enough sunscreen. In combination with our newly photosensitive skin (forgotten side effect of taking malaria medicine), the sunburns we got made us resemble a pair of shedding snakes with blisters. We were extremely attractive at this point; no photos necessary.

Perhaps as a result of too much sun, or maybe from the stress of worrying about Josh's jiggers, (or maybe as punishment for singing a little song called 'Jigger Man' composed for a certain bridegroom), Susan contracted a nasty cold and lost her sense of taste for a night. (Do you think that this stopped her from eating a hefty dinner?? Is Africa one country??)

Round 8 tally:
Susan: 12
Josh: 12

THE LOVEBIRDS ARE NECK AND NECK IN THE MASTER OF DISASTER COMPETITION!

Round 9: Namibia
Nothing happened to us! What are we, normal people?

Round 10: South Africa and Thailand
In the lovely city of Cape Town, Susan's giardia returned with a vengeance. Another day of staying close to the bathroom facilities, although Susan bravely insisted on driving down to Cape Point since we had already rented the car. While the views were lovely, Susan spent most of the day asleep -- in the car, on the beach, lying on a bench at the top of Cape Point. But it seems that with this latest bout, Susan has likely brought back a little reminder of Africa that may be with us a long, long time. (DON'T tell the Australian authorities, please.)

On the plus side, we visited a hospital in Bangkok to get one last round of antibiotics (Susan's sixth regime in as many weeks). The hospital, Samitijev, was, by far, the nicest either of us has ever visited. The facilities were ultra-modern, the staff were friendly and professional, and the place looked like a 4-star hotel. And yes, the prices were high as well. (But no higher than the US... just not as inexpensive as you might expect in Thailand.)

While Josh escaped any stomach sickness throughout Africa, Thai food once again proved too much for him. Josh and Susan now have matching parasites. How cute.

THE FINAL TALLY:
Susan: 13 (bonus point for going to the hospital and volunteering to give a stool sample - classy!)
Josh: 13

So ... will the REAL Master of Disaster please stand up?

After 10 grueling rounds, we are unable to declare a winner. It looks like this competition may have to be resolved in a grudge match.

Stay tuned!