Will the real Master of Disaster please stand up?

Susan's myriad travels have resulted in so many cuts and bruises and mishaps that friends have dubbed her "the Master of Disaster."

But do we have a challenger on the scene? Does Josh have the klutz potential to take away Susan's "Master of Disaster" title? In this entry, we'll tally our respective mishaps and perhaps crown a new victor.

Round 1: One week in...
-Susan stepped on a massive wasp and pretty much lost feeling in her left big toe.
-Susan developed a hacking cough and subsequently lost her voice.
-Susan peeled most of the skin off of her hand when she tried doing the backstroke in shallow water with a coral reef under the surface.
-Susan stepped squarely on a bed of red ants - yes, of COURSE it was the same foot where she got her wasp sting.

-Josh is fine.

Round 1 tally:
Susan: 4
Josh: 0

No contest.

Round 2: Two weeks in...

We left Mae Sot today for Bangkok to catch our flight to Joburg.

Alas, Josh has succumbed to a case of "Thai tummy."

(Note: Susan rarely has stomach problems, which is a good thing, considering how much she loves to eat).

Round 2 tally:

Susan: 4

Josh: 1

Round 3: It's a jungle out there
A week ago, Susan suffered a few bruises from the baby tiger that tried to bite off her wrist, while Josh got a few scratches from said tiger (see "Lions and Tigers and Turtles, oh my!" entry).

But yesterday, Josh got punched in the gut by a silverback gorilla. (See "We got lucky" entry). Now he's catching up.

Round 3 tally:

Susan: 5

Josh: 3

Round 4: No Pain, No Gain
While hiking around a local village in Lake Bunyoni in Uganda (in flip-flops, admittedly stupid) Susan slipped and cut up her left foot - yes, the same one with the wasp sting and the red ants.

While swimming in the White Nile, Josh let the current sweep him into some jagged rocks, resulting in deep scratches on his shins.

Round 4 tally:
Susan: 6
Josh: 4

(someone's catching up!!!)

Round 5 (Uganda and Kenya)
-Susan slipped while hiking to Lake Albert and fell on her palm, breaking skin and requiring nothing more than a band-aid
-During same lovely hike, Josh twisted his knee (after taking a 'short call' and trying to catch up with our hiking group).
-Josh developed three serious impressive blisters while digging at Kyangwali (Susan's blisters were minor in comparison)
-Susan should get three or four points for this: In Nairobi, she contracted a majorly bad case of giardia, after which she spent the entire day convinced that she would never eat/walk/live again. Thank goodness we had a bucket AND a toilet at our disposal. Enough said.

Round 5 tally:
Susan: 8
Josh: 6

Susan is still in the lead

Round 6 - JOSH CATCHES UP, BIG TIME.
The scene - Kenya, 11pm. We have tickets to take a 6am bus to Tanzania. Most people pack and go to sleep. Us? We visit the Nairobi Hospital emergency room. Leaving out the gory details, it turns out Josh discovered a "jigger" in his foot. What is a jigger?

Jigger n. A small flea that burrows into the foot, starts to eat its victim alive from the inside, spins a nest in the body and lays eggs, resulting in more of the delightful little creatures. Jigger removal requires surgery, albeit minor, for removal.

(Note: Nairobi Hospital is not half bad. The best part is when we showed up at the reception desk and told them that our 'emergency' was a jigger. They had to bite their lips to stop from laughing. For local Kenyans, a jigger's a pretty small deal.)



Round 6 tally:
Susan: 8
Josh: 8 (bonus point awarded for requiring emergency room treatment at 2 am)

Round 7: Tanzania
The Jiggers Strike Back. As if one jigger was not enough, while on safari in the Serengeti, Josh discovered two more jiggers, in the same foot. With no real hospital within hundreds of kilometers, Josh agreed to subject himself to the "bush medicine" of his local guide who claimed to have previously removed a jigger. Once. Years ago.

Armed with Susan's guidance and teachings on modern germ theory (i.e., urging our guide to wash his hands before starting!), our guide successfully cut into Josh's foot and removed "twin" jigger nests. Josh now has three holes in his feet.

Revenge of the Giardia. We thought it was defeated, but Susan's stomach ailment rose from the depths of her bowels to make a comeback. Alas, this time we were in the Serengeti with no bucket and no toilet. And we were sleeping in a tent, with lions and elephants just outside. (See Where the Wild Things Are entry). Susan presents real danger of exploding in the tent.

Susan also marks Tanzania as the start of her mystery tooth ailment, in which her prior cavities seemed to rear their ugly heads. While this pain came and went, Susan insisted on putting it down here, probably just for more points. As of now, the mystery ailment has not affected her eating habits (has anything, ever?)

Round 7 tally:
Susan:10
Josh: 11 (two jiggers and bonus point for surviving field surgery)

Round 8: Zanzibar
Beautiful Zanzibar. White beaches. Classic sailboats. Crystal clear waters. Blazing sun on our backs all day long while snorkeling. AND... a big mistake on our parts for not wearing enough sunscreen. In combination with our newly photosensitive skin (forgotten side effect of taking malaria medicine), the sunburns we got made us resemble a pair of shedding snakes with blisters. We were extremely attractive at this point; no photos necessary.

Perhaps as a result of too much sun, or maybe from the stress of worrying about Josh's jiggers, (or maybe as punishment for singing a little song called 'Jigger Man' composed for a certain bridegroom), Susan contracted a nasty cold and lost her sense of taste for a night. (Do you think that this stopped her from eating a hefty dinner?? Is Africa one country??)

Round 8 tally:
Susan: 12
Josh: 12

THE LOVEBIRDS ARE NECK AND NECK IN THE MASTER OF DISASTER COMPETITION!

Round 9: Namibia
Nothing happened to us! What are we, normal people?

Round 10: South Africa and Thailand
In the lovely city of Cape Town, Susan's giardia returned with a vengeance. Another day of staying close to the bathroom facilities, although Susan bravely insisted on driving down to Cape Point since we had already rented the car. While the views were lovely, Susan spent most of the day asleep -- in the car, on the beach, lying on a bench at the top of Cape Point. But it seems that with this latest bout, Susan has likely brought back a little reminder of Africa that may be with us a long, long time. (DON'T tell the Australian authorities, please.)

On the plus side, we visited a hospital in Bangkok to get one last round of antibiotics (Susan's sixth regime in as many weeks). The hospital, Samitijev, was, by far, the nicest either of us has ever visited. The facilities were ultra-modern, the staff were friendly and professional, and the place looked like a 4-star hotel. And yes, the prices were high as well. (But no higher than the US... just not as inexpensive as you might expect in Thailand.)

While Josh escaped any stomach sickness throughout Africa, Thai food once again proved too much for him. Josh and Susan now have matching parasites. How cute.

THE FINAL TALLY:
Susan: 13 (bonus point for going to the hospital and volunteering to give a stool sample - classy!)
Josh: 13

So ... will the REAL Master of Disaster please stand up?

After 10 grueling rounds, we are unable to declare a winner. It looks like this competition may have to be resolved in a grudge match.

Stay tuned!

We've never tried THAT before... the Previously Untried Food page

Here's where we have listed all the new foods and drinks we're trying on this trip, along with a few pics of Susan enjoying her food!

(including foods that are new for Josh but not for Susan)









Thailand:
-Rambutan: spiky red fruit that looks straight out of Star Trek
-Mangosteen: One of Susan's favorites. A garlic-shaped bulb that tastes like heaven.
-Pomelo: A giant grapefruit, but sweeter
-Persimmon: the fruit that looks like a tomato but tastes like a cross between a peach and an apple (Susan likes it, Josh doesn't)

South Africa:
-Amarula: a lovely liqueur made from wild fruit that tastes like Bailey's but better
-Biltong: dried meat made from wild game, such as Eland and Gemsbok - really tasty, even though it looks like a cross between dried mushrooms and cobwebs. Susan's new favorite snack food (see picture above)
-Rooibles tea: A lovely healthy tea made from a plant whose name we can't pronounce

Uganda:
-Crayfish from Lake Bunyoni: (only Susan tried this one): a lovely fresh shrimp-like seafood which was served in the halves of an avocado, in a lovely curry sauce.
(the avocados in Uganda, by the way, are the best Susan has ever tasted)
-Matoke: a variety of banana that is a huge favorite among Ugandans. After eating it, literally, for a week for breakfast, lunch and dinner, we will both be happy if we never see another matoke gracing our plates
-Atapa: Ugandan sweet potatoes that are sliced, dried, rehydrated and served as a thick porridge. If this doesn't sound appetizing, you're right. Has the taste and consistency of semi-old play-doh.
-Raw sugar cane: Going for the sweet stuff right from the source. Stripping the sugar cane is a real test of the incisors (see pictures above)


East Africa (Uganda/Kenya):
-Grass-fed beef: Ok, we've had steaks before but NEVER like this anywhere in the world. The finest EVER. This grass-fed, free-range, hormone-free beef is simply out of this world. We keep trying more and more to see if it's consistently delicious. It always is. Even the meat-on-a-stick variety that we have bought from street vendors -- if its beef, it's incredible. If we end up moving to East Africa it will be because of the beef!
-Chapati: an African flat bread. A bit like the offspring you would get by breeding a soft tortilla with a pita bread. Josh is wild about it. Given his bread cravings, this is yet another reason to move to East Africa.
-Barbecued goat ribs - Susan was really excited to try this - the final result was so-so. Meat was tough and pretty fried.

Kenya:
-Tilapia: famous fish from Kenya. Susan really loves it. Josh tasted it and thinks it tastes like fish--go figure.

Tanzania:
-M'chicha: green veggies, a bit like spinach, and cooked with lovely spices.
-Ugali: a starchy, white tuber, served as a sticky mash. Eaten with the hands and used to sop up any juices on the plate. In a role reversal, Susan goes crazy for the starchy foods and Josh is agnostic.
-Masai fruit - tasty little fruits plucked straight from the trees. Real name unknown, but the Masai guides who accompanied us insisted that they were called Masai fruit. We really didn't have the strength to argue.

Zanzibar:
-Coconut bread - bread obtained from the local fish market. Very spongy and moist. Proper roles regained, as Josh leads the cheers for the bread
-Local donuts - also obtained at the fish market. Tasty but not exactly clear if these are dessert items or another type of bread.
-Cigale - a small, 'slipper' lobster that Susan had at one of their few fancy meals. Tender, soft and delicious... although not QUITE as good as Maine lobster (is anything?).
-Sugarcane juice - concoction of hand-squeezed sugar cane, ginger and lime. Susan loves it, Josh will stick to lemonade

Namibia:
-Biltong (meat jerky) - we tried this before (see South Africa), but we purchased it in copious quantities in Namibia to get us through some very long car rides. Unfortunately, the best kind of biltong comes from the cutest kind of animal: springbok. Springbok is an incredibly charming animal with a very springy jump, in which it jumps on all four legs to catapult itself high in the air. This fact aside, it is also, in biltong form, delicious.
-Guava juice - made from guava, very tasty and we assume healthy too
-Gemsbok steak - made from a large antelope with very long and pointy horns - tasty!

South Africa (second time around):
- Assortment of game meats grilled on a skewer including: Kudu, Ostrich and Eland (Kudu, which is the largest antelope in all of Africa, is also the most delicious)
- Assortment of game meats served carpaccio including: Crocodile, Ostrich, Springbok, and Gemsbok
- Warthog ribs - several Africans told us that this so-ugly-that-it's-cute animal made the best ribs of all. Susan's opinion: not so much.
- Traditional Xhosa soup - just like the bushmen eat!!
- Cape Gooseberries - this fruit (which Susan tried, not surprisingly, in Capetown), is a yellow berry, shaped like a tomato, but smaller and sweeter. It tastes NOTHING like Chinese Gooseberries, which are another name for kiwis.
- Peri Peri sauce - this is a lovely sauce in South Africa that gives meat a serious 'kick'
- Peppadew (TM) - this is a vegetable INVENTED BY SOUTH AFRICANS that is a cross between a pepper and a tomato. According to the "Peppadew International" website, it is an "intriguing and endearing" fruit. We don't know how intriguing or endearing it is, but it is tasty on a pizza.

Beard watch: See Josh's beard grow!

In honor of the "outback-y" nature of the honeymoon, Josh has decided to go native--ie shave his head and grow a beard. Check here for an e-flipbook.

Day 2: In orangutan sanctuary, Borneo.


Day 12: In rickshaw, Mae Sot, Thailand.



Day 17: Kruger National Park










Day 37: Nairobi. Now he is REALLY starting to look like a caveman.













Day 52: Stonetown, Zanzibar, Tanzania. Grizzly Adams to the max.



Alas, at Day 52, Susan *strongly* advocates for a shave, threatening to end all 'honeymoon-related activities' until some trimming has taken place. Alas, Josh's dream of seeing what will happen to him when he tries to return through Australian immigration with a foot long beard will be no more.

THE UPSHARIN
(if you don't know what this is and you are still actually reading this website, send us an email and we'll send you an explanation. But we'll guess that by now, everyone's skimming pretty quickly).


Josh's desperado look



All trimmed - now Josh can have his wife back

Epilogue... A few weeks later, Susan once again could not deal with Josh's delightfully thick and brillo-y beard. Just before leaving Jo'burg, Josh entered the bathroom bravely armed only with a razor and emerged an hour later sporting the face of a twelve-year old boy.

Note to self...never try to shave a three-week beard with a razor without first trimming with a scissor or electric trimmer.

The end…for now

We spent just under 3 months on the honeymoon, traveling through Asia and Africa, enjoying natural beauty, spotting magnificent animals, eating exotic foods, learning about new cultures, and visiting with old friends. The trip was nothing short of amazing, but since we tried keeping to a fairly tight budget, it was also exhausting. As we like to joke, after 3 months of travelling together through Africa if we are not divorced yet, the marriage must be a strong one.

We are glad to be back safe and sound and look forward to seeing all our friends in various parts of the world, to share our stories and generally catch up with loved ones after being incommunicado for so long. A big thank you to everyone for the various gifts on the honeymoon registry last year – without your generosity we would not have experienced half the wonderful and amazing things that we did.

While the honeymoon is now over, we are looking forward to settling into our 'real life' together, but with one eye already on 'the next big trip.'

Bangkok, take 2

The tail end of our trip brought us back through Bangkok for a few days to complete both our honeymoon and 'Susan’s Global Friend Reunion Tour of 2009.' For those who are curious and amazed at the sheer number of friends Susan has, the final count of friends we saw on our honeymoon totals 25 people in 5 different countries on 2 continents. Impressive! (Especially impressive is Josh's patience in agreeing to meet Susan's friends in every corner of the globe, on what is usually presumed to be a rather intimate trip.)

Examples of Friend Tour 2009 included visiting Bangkok's famous red-light district with Anna and eating amazing Thai food and getting stuck in horrific Bangkok traffic with Fletcher friends... just like the locals do it!

Besides completing Friend Tour 2009, we also got massages, enjoyed the ever-tasty Thai street food, and visited Susan’s favorite night market to pick up some new clothes (the airlines lost our luggage for 48 hours). End result: full bellies and a new “Thai look” that only tourists can really achieve.

The long goodbye: our special time at Gate A1

The view from Tara's rockin' place

Our time in Africa ended with a final night in Jo’burg, hosted with the utmost generosity by friend Tara in her awesome digs. Thanks to Tara, we not only had a lovely apartment to stay in, but we got to see parts of Jo’burg we otherwise never would have seen. Tara lives in Yeoville -- a part of the city that, by her own admission, is generally feared as being dangerous. But in actuality it's an interesting neighborhood with a nice mix of immigrants from several African countries, mostly trying to eke out a living, like immigrants everywhere. (Note from Josh: Susan couldn't resist getting in at least one politically correct comment before this blog was done.)

Our last morning we bid a sad farewell to Tara and Africa, and, camped out at the Singapore Airlines departure gate, resigned ourselves to leaving Africa in just a few moments. Just as we were mourning the end of our time in Africa and wishing we had more time, fate, with her ever impeccable sense of ironic timing, intervened in the form of a meek Singapore Airlines employee apologizing for what would turn into a 12-hour delay. Yay, more time in Africa!

During the delay, it quickly became apparent that Singapore Airlines, which customarily has an airtight schedule, had no idea how to cope with hundreds of tired and angry passengers. Luckily for all, the multi-talented Susan Banki stepped into the breach. After it was announced that the flight was delayed indefinitely, and some people could be moved to new flights, Josh decided to huddle down with the carry-on bags and try to get some shut-eye. Mere minutes later, he heard Susan’s voice making general announcements regarding the status of our flight. Given her natural inclination at verbosity and the lack of a handy PA system, the Singapore Airlines staff “deputized” Susan to assist with the scheduling crisis at Gate A1. During this time Susan also got a chance to display another of her many talents, namely a short temper, when she scolded fellow passengers for not paying close enough attention to her previous announcements. You go girl!

(Susan's addition: while it is true that I did roll my eyes at one lacksidasical couple that missed several of my announcements, I do have to mention, in my defense, that Michael the Singapore Airlines guy literally called me a 'godsend.' I'm not kidding.)

Hermanus: our alternate to the Garden Route

Since we enjoyed Cape Town so much, we ran out of time to drive down the Garden Route (the reportedly beautiful route along the South African coast). So for our final two days in South Africa, instead of trying to stuff in the entire Garden Route, we drove to a single, cute little town a few hours east of Cape Town, Hermanus, and spent a couple of lazy days there enjoying nature.



While in Hermanus, we took a sea kayak tour along the coast, spotting penguins and seals, and lovely views of the shore and mountains in the distance. Other fun in Hermanus included a horseback ride along the beach at sunset. Gorgeous scenery almost made up for the fact that we did not get to canter on the horses, much to Susan “the Horse Master” Banki’s chagrin.



A lovely sunset on the beach helped close out our time in Hermanus, and our penultimate night in Africa.

Cape Town: Civilization at last!!

After 2 months of roughing it in the African bush, we made it to Cape Town, South Africa – aka, a little slice of heaven on earth. On-demand electricity, running water, hot water, drinkable water, good food and non-malarial mosquitoes.

Exhausted, and enchanted with the city from the moment we arrived, we pretty much scrapped our original plan of staying just one night and then immediately pushing off to explore the Garden Route. Instead, we decided that the good food, mild climate, rustic landscape and easy living were just what we needed for the last leg of our African journey. We ended up staying in Cape Town for 5 days and pretty much acted like typical tourists. We walked the city, had 4-hour lunches on the waterfront pier, took a tour of Robben Island (prison island home of Nelson Mandela during apartheid), embarrassed ourselves at an underground salsa dancing club, and, in general, made lots of great finds of previously “unknown” local establishments. (This has probably happened to all of you... you "discover" some great place that no tourist has ever been to -- because you happened to go on a slow night -- and then discover, the next night, that it's the noisiest expat hangout in town. Very disappointing.)

A couple of our best finds bear special note. The first was a fantastic little restaurant called Khaya Nyama, which translates as "House of Meat." You can imagine the selection on the menu, which offered not only traditional beef steaks, but several other types of game. We had an amazing meal with all sorts of animals that we had seen previously only through our land rover’s open windows running across the plains. We sampled crocodile, warthog, ostrich, springbok, eland, kudu, and gemsbok (see 'We've Never Tried That Before' entry for mini-descriptions). The springbok and kudu in particular were as tasty as they were cute – highly recommended. And the live music at Khaya Nyama was just amazing. We talked to the musicians afterward and one of them tried to teach us a few words in his native language of Xhosa -- one of Africa's famous clicking languages. He claimed that Susan was pretty good at the clicks, but he was probably just trying to be nice.

The second 'discovery' was a great little Cuban café/cigar bar. All the furnishings were imported from Cuba and the cigar room especially had the feel of an old time smoking room one would expect to find in their Cuban grandfather’s old house (if one had an old Cuban grandfather); the place had an amazing ambiance. Alas, our love for this place was dampened somewhat when we found out that the bar was one of a chain of Cuban café/smoking rooms! Obviously we did not leave our snobbery in the African bush.

While in Cape Town, the multi-talented and ever amusing Ms. Susan Banki also got a couple of chances to demonstrate her powers of self-defense. As many know, while South Africa is a beautiful, beautiful country, there is a bit of a problem of street crime, and we had been warned against walking in certain parts of the city at night. A couple of times, at dusk, we were approached by somewhat unsavory fellows. Both times Susan fought them off – not by using any brutish Uma Thurman, Kill Bill karate techniques, but by dispensing a severe, and VERY loud, tongue-lashing to our would-be assailants. Having stunned them due to the acoustic onslaught, we left them behind with a dazed, and slightly deaf, look on their faces. Susan Banki, the human sonic boom.

Our last stop in Cape Town was the Cape—the furthest point southwest in Africa and also the point near where the Atlantic and Indian Oceans meet. The scenery was breathtaking, with rocky cliffs, white sand beaches, aquamarine water and strategically placed light houses. To top it off, we saw gaggles of penguins roaming around mating, squawking, molting and generally being adorable in the way only penguins can be.

If anyone would like to go in with us and invest in some real estate in Cape Town, we are all ears. Seriously.

Southern Namibia: the big red sandbox

The Namib desert, famous for its giant red sand dunes, was our last destination in Namibia. Getting there, however, proved to be a bit of a challenge. Record rainfall in Namibia, the most in something like 12 years, extended down to the desert, washing out several of the roads. We were advised against traveling south in our little front wheel drive car, but being the intrepid explorers we are, we braved the raging rivers and muddy roads. Our reward was seeing some of the most striking scenery on the trip while we drove.


Our cute little rental car caked in dust

The roads were so bad, in fact, that we passed some Germans (not ordinarily known for their timidity on the road) in a similar sized car to our own. They told us that they had decided to turn back because the water potholes were just TOO big. But we pressed on, and after hours of holding our breath every time we drove over a giant puddle, and with a bit of luck, we made it to our camp just as the sun was setting, giving us our first desert sunset - beautiful and well worth the driving hassle!



The Namib desert was beautiful and hot. We hiked the famous Dune 46 and saw both Dead Vlei and Soussusvlei, as well as watching a full sunset, all pictured above. The coloring in the sky, reflecting off the red sand dunes, was amazing and well worth braving the burning inferno that is the Namib desert.


Our cute little car being towed across a river

Getting OUT of the Namib Desert wasn't so easy. One of the rivers that we crossed easily on our way in was flooded on the way out, so we relied on the kindness of strangers to tow us across.

Etosha National Park, Namibia: Glub, glub

Our final safari of the honeymoon was to Etosha National Park in northern Namibia. We had heard rave reviews Etosha, because animals are easily spied at the park's easily accessible watering holes. Due to Namibia's generally dry weather, animals usually have few alternatives to the watering holes, so park visitors can sit by the watering hole and watch cheetahs at 5pm, rhinos at 6pm, elephants at 7pm, lions at 1am, and so on. You get the idea; at Etosha it's usually very easy to spot lots of animals all coming to the watering holes for a sundowner.



'Usually' is the key word here. Unfortunately for us, but luckily for the animals, the week we visited the park, Etosha received more rain than ever recorded before. New watering holes, far from curious humans, formed in remote parts of the park, and the animals dispersed. We sat by one watering hole for EIGHT hours and didn't see a single thing.

Since the "big' animals were so elusive (ie elephants, lions, cheetahs, leopards) we had to content ourselves with some of the smaller animals.




At one point we were so animal starved that we sat on the side of the road to eat lunch and we watched, with great interest... a couple of ground squirrels. These animals resemble the squirrels you might find in any city park in the US... here we were, all the way in northern Namibia, focusing all our attention on the rodent life.

Very, very sad.

Interestingly, though, despite their short stature, ground squirrels were probably the bravest animals we saw throughout our entire trip. They approached our car with almost no fear and a great deal of curiosity. It just goes to show you that size really doesn't matter....




In Etosha we never saw the most popular animals, like lions or leopards or elephants, but with enough driving and determination, we did see many others, such as warthogs, giraffe, and black-faced impalas (pictured above), in addition to zebra, hyenas, jackals, and all types of antelope. We also had the great fun of navigating/driving our tiny little front wheel drive vehicle up and down the muddy dirt roads of the park, and we only got caught in the mud and required a tow one time.